星期六 · 雨
急救室 × 病床 × 輔導室
“你看你 … 這樣值得嗎？”
—— 朋友
（Drip preparation）“How did these
scar …”
（Changing clothes）“Why your neck …”
—— 護士
“What’s his case?”
“Suicide attempt.”
（Look over Record）“Oh, so dangerous …”
—— 護士們
“Why you choose
Thursday to kill yourself?”
—— 醫生 A （印裔）
“What is the taste
of detergent?”
—— 醫生 B
“Why you
say you don’t have any friend?”
—— 輔導師 A
“Yes, I planned
well to kill myself… After I drink the detergent, I cut my wrist. But I scared
the blood will clot thus I cut my neck…”
“I didn’t feel
angry while they kept counting my weaknesses. I scared that if my group leader
did not shout at me, he would kill himself one day…”
“I was listening
to the comments and feedback. This didn’t make me want to die as Final Year
Project can be done by myself in solo, I can join other groups in coming
semester. However, I felt something special during Thursday class. That was a
lecture class, I went early and sit at the center row. Then, a friend came in
and sat two rows behind me. After that, she changed her seat to the right hand
side. I felt a little strange what is happening now as she didn’t invite me or
what …”
“I know I am bad
temper while dealing with stress. But I make jokes and gossip too after the
assignment is over and done. But this Thursday I felt all around the world were
trying their best to avoid me like I am a monster. I felt hurt and lonely that
day. I realize I have no friend and the feeling of lost and hopeless was coming
after me…”
“When I was taking
bath, I tend to drink the detergent as I thought that I am just a burden who
keep making trouble to the people around me. All members can handle problems
very well but I am still immature, keep showing my bad attitudes. It’s better
for me to leave. I lose all the social networks, it’s game over…”
“I drank the
detergent at 9 O’clock. Then I typed a short message to my mum at 10 O’clock. That was a
warmth chat ever between us. I still have beloved family members although I lose all
the friends. So I called my friend, decided to enter hospital for clear the
toxic content in my body. She was having assignment discussion so I wait her
until 11 O’clock. Hope that I didn’t cause burden to her…”
“I am not seeking
apologize from them. I know they came to visit me last night and I really felt
sorry that they were rushing assignments and doing revision for mid-term exam, one
of my friends is doing Final Year Project...”
“… not tension, but
coping problem.”
“… seek suggestions
from other people but not solving all the problems by yourself.”
“So we will meet
again … Can we make an
appointment for next counseling session? ”
—— 輔導師 B
晚安。
