回家

星期六 · 雨

急救室 × 病床 × 輔導室

 “你看你 … 這樣值得嗎？”

—— 朋友

（Drip preparation）“How did these scar …”

（Changing clothes）“Why your neck …”

—— 護士

“What’s his case?”

“Suicide attempt.”

（Look over Record）“Oh, so dangerous …”

—— 護士們

“Why you choose Thursday to kill yourself?”

—— 醫生 A （印裔）

“What is the taste of detergent?”

—— 醫生 B

 “Why you say you don’t have any friend?”

—— 輔導師 A

“Yes, I planned well to kill myself… After I drink the detergent, I cut my wrist. But I scared the blood will clot thus I cut my neck…”

“I didn’t feel angry while they kept counting my weaknesses. I scared that if my group leader did not shout at me, he would kill himself one day…”

“I was listening to the comments and feedback. This didn’t make me want to die as Final Year Project can be done by myself in solo, I can join other groups in coming semester. However, I felt something special during Thursday class. That was a lecture class, I went early and sit at the center row. Then, a friend came in and sat two rows behind me. After that, she changed her seat to the right hand side. I felt a little strange what is happening now as she didn’t invite me or what …”

“I know I am bad temper while dealing with stress. But I make jokes and gossip too after the assignment is over and done. But this Thursday I felt all around the world were trying their best to avoid me like I am a monster. I felt hurt and lonely that day. I realize I have no friend and the feeling of lost and hopeless was coming after me…”

“When I was taking bath, I tend to drink the detergent as I thought that I am just a burden who keep making trouble to the people around me. All members can handle problems very well but I am still immature, keep showing my bad attitudes. It’s better for me to leave. I lose all the social networks, it’s game over…”

“I drank the detergent at 9 O’clock. Then I typed a short message to my mum at 10 O’clock. That was a warmth chat ever between us. I still have beloved family members although I lose all the friends. So I called my friend, decided to enter hospital for clear the toxic content in my body. She was having assignment discussion so I wait her until 11 O’clock. Hope that I didn’t cause burden to her…”

“I am not seeking apologize from them. I know they came to visit me last night and I really felt sorry that they were rushing assignments and doing revision for mid-term exam, one of my friends is doing Final Year Project...”

“… not tension, but coping problem.”

“… seek suggestions from other people but not solving all the problems by yourself.”

“So we will meet again … Can we make an appointment for next counseling session? ”

—— 輔導師 B

晚安。